When Trauma Defines You

How do you define yourself?

That isn’t something many people think about much, but it actually is a crucial question.

First of all, what do I mean by “define yourself?” I am talking about the things that contribute to how you feel about yourself in your baseline state.

Of course, there are lots of things that do this. As I see it, there are two basic categories: things that happen in your life, whether it is something you consciously strive for or something that just happens, and who you are intrinsically. So one is external and the other internal. Read more

Confidence Coaching

In my work with athletic teams and other groups of kids, I have found that even the highest-functioning kids often lack confidence. In today’s highly structured and scheduled world, kids can get pretty far just doing what they’re told and completing tasks, so it sometimes comes as a surprise to both the student—and their parents—when they come up against a situation where deep-seated, steady confidence is needed, but it just isn’t there to be called upon. Coaches and educators frequently bring this up, and it seems as though parents are catching on.

The Confidence Coaching program is the result, and I think it can help just about any teenager or 20-something. If your kid is struggling but not in real trouble, it can help a lot. (If your kid is in real trouble, I can help with that, too, but that requires a different approach.) If your kid is an über-achiever, I think you will be surprised at how injecting a dose of confidence will bring more imagination and joy to their achievements. The program is fun, insightful, and powerful, and most kids love it. It can also be something that friends can enjoy together: the program works great with small groups. Usually it only takes a few sessions to see results.

Want to know whether Confidence Coaching is right for your teenager or 20-something? Give me a call or drop me a text at 603-496-0305, or use the form below to email me, and let’s talk about it.

Here’s the brochure, and FYI — many adults can benefit from Confidence Coaching as well!

Here is more information how I work with teens, 20-somethings, and their families.

Hand-Me-Down Vows

The definition of a vow is a “solemn promise,” which implies a conscious decision. Yet what I have found in my work is the unconscious also makes vows, often destructive ones. Uncovering these unconscious vows and then breaking them can be hard going, but it is possible and can be incredibly healing. Read more

Fall/Winter Workshops at The Farm

I will be doing a series of workshops at The Farm in Waltham, Massachusetts, with The Farm’s owner and head coach, Mike Freire. Focusing on confidence and leadership, these programs will give players insight into the mental aspects of their games.

Here are the programs:

Baseball Confidence: Learn to be a More Confident Athlete & Enjoy the College Recruiting Process
For young men ages 14 and above
Saturday, November 19, 4­–6pm

Baseball Confidence: Strengthening the Mental Side of the Game
For young men ages 10-13
Saturday, December 10, 4–6pm

Parenting Young Athletes in the Digital Age: Finding Balance & Building Confidence
Date TBA

Visualizing Success: The Importance of Using Your Imagination in Baseball
Saturday, January 7, 2017, 4–6pm

Baseball Leadership: Personal Growth on and off the Field
Saturday, February 12, 4–6pm

Here is more information about the programs.

Here is more information about The Farm.

As always, feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Navigating the College Recruitment Process

Want to play your sport in college?

We’re holding a program for you in November!

Local coach and counselor Shawn Brown and I will be covering how to enjoy the college recruitment process and make yourself more attractive to the coaches for whom you want to play. We’ll also be covering some aspects of the mental game so you will be more confident and focused as you prepare to play at the college level.

The camp will be Sunday, November 13, 4–6pm, at Creative Little Angels in Londonderry, New Hampshire.

Here is more information and the registration form.

One-Day Camp for Wrestlers

Attention, all high-school wrestlers:

We’re holding a one-day camp for you in November!

New England College wrestling coach John Archambeau and I will be covering both the mental game and working on the mat for high-school and PG students who want to take their wrestling to the next level. Players will leave with both a Personal Performance Plan to help them with their mental game as well as a Physical Performance Plan to help them be better athletes and wrestlers.

The camp will be Sunday, November 20, 11am-5pm, at the New England College Field House in Henniker, New Hampshire.

Here is more information and the registration form.


Curriculum of Confidence Assembly

I am offering a new assembly this year for high school students. Appropriate for both public and private school settings, my Curriculum of Confidence program empowers students to take control of their own futures.

Here is the flyer that describes the program.

It sounds ambitious, but really the premise is simple: It’s about Voice and Choice. Read more

Opiates and Outcome Fever

I spoke to a father of three teenage boys recently, a very reasonable, bright man. He expressed concern about the fact that opiates are out there, and we talked about striking that parenting balance around drugs and alcohol, about finding that sweet spot where you don’t issue blanket prohibitions that are impossible to enforce, nor do you become overly permissive.

This brought up some things I’ve been mulling over:

  1. Why are so many teenagers sniffing and shooting opiates, boys and girls who, a generation ago, wouldn’t have even entertained a thought of using them?
  2. What are the more complex dynamics in middle- and upper-class schools and families that are causing kids to use opiates?

Actually, I would argue that “good” kids are taking risks with many aspects of their lives, not just opiates. In fact, many of their choices can be seen through the lens of addictive behavior, whether it’s sex, working out, drinking, video games, even schoolwork. Read more

The Beauty of Mindless Tasks

For some reason I don’t understand, many kids today are not ever asked to do housework. They are never asked to do a dish, vacuum, do laundry, mow the lawn, or any household chores. Perhaps parents think their children are too busy to waste time on mundane tasks? I would argue that these mindless tasks are anything but mundane. Read more

Last Call for Hockey Players

Tomorrow is the last day to sign up for my one-day hockey leadership workshop, which takes place on Sunday. My one-day retreats teach rising high school juniors, seniors, and post-grads to learn more about the mental and emotional skills needed to take their game to the next level, as well as how to assess and improve their strength and conditioning specifically for their sport.

On Sunday, June 26, I will be working with head coach Norm Bazin (UMass Lowell) to offer a hockey retreat.

The retreat will be held at The Farm in Waltham, Massachusetts.

More information and registration information can be found here:

Hockey retreat brochure