Reconnection Project Programs

Here are more details on how we work with the three constituencies:

These programs are flexible: we can do the full program, outlined below in a variety of time frames or break them out into standalone component parts. Please contact us to discuss your school’s or district’s needs.

Teacher Program (The Connected Classroom)

Teachers are taught skills and strategies for having “elephant” and “gremlin” conversations with their students in a safe way, incorporating lessons about these issues into existing curricula, and, importantly, how to identify student problems that are above a teacher’s pay grade so the kids who need it can get more help. The basis for this work is:

  • Teach educators about loss and trauma and their effects on learning and classroom behavior and management.
  • Discuss specific, case-by-case techniques to calm kids down, build trust, and help students become ready to learn.
  • Work to understand how the New Parenting Playbook (outcome-focused, distracted, vicarious parenting) affects students and how to mitigate those effects.
  • Understand how essential trust issues with parents play out in the classroom and how to build trust between teacher and student and with their peers.
  • Work on ways to more effectively collaborate with parents.

Teachers need both instruction in how to incorporate Connected Classroom principles and techniques into existing curricula as well as ongoing support for any challenging issues that arise while they’re learning. We propose:

  • The full Connected Classroom curriculum for teachers, which is below, is 8 hours of class time. We realize how challenging it can be for teachers to shoehorn that into a school year, so we can be as flexible as possible to accommodate them. We like to start with a 90-minute in-person session, if possible, but after that, if in-person sessions are difficult, Jeff can do in-person or Zoom classes that can be recorded so teachers can watch when it is convenient. Live discussions can occur during Jeff’s “office hours” at the school.
  • Office Hours: Jeff provides in-person/Zoom office hours for teachers, where he can support and advise teachers with questions on the Connected Classroom curriculum, problems with students, their own stress, etc.

Teacher Curriculum on the Connected Classroom

Overview 

  • Talk, vent, and understand how the coronavirus is affecting all of us—kids, families, ourselves, and schools.
  • Develop a felt sense of the granular difference between our childhoods and the students’.
  • The importance of working with the truth: develop a full understanding of the Digital Age and what we call “Outcome Fever,” with its many distractions and confidence drains. A discussion of the iceberg of student anxiety.
  • Many parents use what we call the “New Parenting Playbook​,” which can have negative effects on kids; how can educators engender parent collaboration and avoid “commoditized” relationships with parents.
  • How Outcome Fever and “Digititis” exacerbate the effects of poverty, social injustice, and trauma.
  • Psychological underpinnings of the New Parenting Playbook (​Erikson​, Winnicott, etc.).
  • Critical need for collaboration with colleagues and parents to form a consistent “holding environment.”
  • Why a classroom culture that focuses on the journey is critical!

Elephants and Gremlins

  • Digging into Elephants, the undiscussed societal ills (the “Overwhelming Tragedy List”) that clearly affect kids, and ​Gremlins​*, the undiscussed negative self-talk most of us silently endure.
  • We also introduce trauma, a huge subject of its own, and how economic and social challenges compound both.
  • An important part of the discussion is how teachers can recognize when they are over their pay grade and need to call in reinforcements for a student.
  • Finally, we talk about the importance of having a graduated, safe atmosphere at all times and provide techniques to achieve that.

* From Rick Carson’s book, Taming Your Gremlin—highly recommended.

The Six I’s 

Teachers now need to teach the rudiments of the Six I’s: imagination, independence, intimacy, integrity, and intestinal fortitude, which are critical building blocks to identity:

  • An introduction into the critical importance of imagination, being true to ourselves, and finding a sense of purpose, inspiration, and mission.
  • Learning the positives of failure and using adversity to fuel success.
  • The overarching benefits of authenticity, independence, intestinal fortitude, integrity, and connection.
  • Specific lesson plans to begin to get students to understand these crucial qualities and how to begin to attain them.

Class Chemistry

  • Introduction to the value of being vulnerable: the chemistry in the classroom can’t be maximized until the kids really understand one another’s journeys.
  • Listening without judgement.
  • How to not allow your buttons to be pushed (which requires a look at your buttons). Individual/small group meetings are held with teachers.
  • Understanding that altruism is a healer: how to get kids, who are still hard-wired to want to be of service to others, to help each other.

Setting Goals

In addition to academic goals, students need to create MENTAL goals: Every student should develop a Personal Mental Performance Plan that maximizes their self-knowledge so they can make better choices when they are upset, anxious, or depressed in order to manage their feelings and behavior.

They need to learn to devise a plan, implement that plan, achieve benchmarks, and reach goals. Teachers can create their own Personal Mental Performance Plans to understand the process better. Concrete skills learned by students:

  • Developing an emotional thermometer to manage behavior.
  • Understanding locus of control: that they are in charge of—and responsible for—their own destinies.
  • Asking for help for themselves or when they think a classmate is in trouble.
  • Accountability: develop a mission statement and how to stick to it.

Moving forward

Further discussion and role-playing on how to implement the concepts learned. Teachers completing the course are prepared to do the following with their students:

  • Emphasis and time are given to social-emotional health. Teachers are encouraged not to underestimate a simple “How are you all doing?” This simple question can allow teachers to get a bead on kids’ emotional condition and their true readiness to learn.
  • What are the effects of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), and how best to cope with those effects, clearing a pathway to effective learning?
  • The rudiments of student contributions to a positive learning environment in class.
  • How to free ourselves of the burden of Digititis and Outcome Fever.
  • Lessons are constructed so students can viscerally experience the Six I’s—imagination, independence, integrity, intimacy, intestinal fortitude, and identity—and learn the lessons of each.
  • Psychological safety is paramount in every discussion with students. Techniques are provided so students who are uncomfortable can come forward without judgement to have their concerns addressed in a respectful way.

Parents

We need to engage proactively with parents to give them the inspiration and skills to collaborate with us to prepare kids to become happy and independent young adults. The key problem with parents is their day-to-day lives do not put them on the school grounds, so we need to “meet them where they are” in order to engage them. We can use podcasts, webinars, meetings (in-person or Zoom), and/or newsletters (we need to consult with you and ask parents and figure out what format would work best) to reach parents and constructively involve them in the program. Our goal is to get parents to understand the Connected Classroom principles, what they can do at home, and collaborate with school staff so students’ entire “holding environment” becomes consistent, safe, and supportive and encourages both constructive nurturing and growing independence.

In many cases, parents over-manage because of anxiety and/or fear; by reaching out to involve them in constructive ways and educating them about the issues their children are facing and better ways to face those issues together, that fear and anxiety—and their children’s stress and anxiety—can be reduced. Topics covered include:

  • An overview of child development and the impact the Digital Age has on children and adults. Help parents see that the way they were raised and the way we’re raising kids today are 180° apart: begin to see the pluses and minuses of each.
  • Educate parents to see the “crisis” of stress and anxiety among their kids and their classmates; help them see the digital age “elephants” that are affecting their kids (and themselves).
  • The importance of building working collaborative relationships between parents and teachers, coaches, and administrators. Teach parents the importance of modeling constructive conflict resolution for their children—and learning when to let their children resolve their own conflicts, where appropriate, and when to step in.
  • Finding a balance between preparing children for adulthood and protecting them from harm. Help them learn that the New Parenting Playbook is not helpful.
  • Teach parents about the 6 I’s.
  • The critical importance of modeling, especially disconnecting from devices.
  • Defining Outcome Fever and changing focus from what children do to who they are.
  • The concrete skills of building stronger connections between parents and children. Examples include less screen time all around, making sure parents are avoiding Outcome Fever, truly listening to their kids, etc.
  • Specific skills for parents to respond to a child’s struggles without “rescuing” or enabling.

Parent Curriculum

Topics covered with parents include:

  • Educate parents to see the “crisis” of stress and anxiety among their kids and their classmates; help them see the digital age “elephants” that are affecting their kids (and themselves).
  • Develop a felt sense of the granular difference between our childhoods and the students’.
  • The importance of working with the truth: develop a full understanding of the Digital Age and what we call “Digititis,” as well as a discussion of the iceberg of student anxiety.
  • The New Parenting Playbook​, which can have negative effects on kids.
  • Teach parents the importance of modeling constructive conflict resolution for their children—and learning when to let their children resolve their own conflicts and when to step in.
  • Discussion of child development, select psychological theories (most notably Erikson’s Eight Ages of Man, and Winnicott’s holding environment), and why they are so important today.
  • The importance of building working collaborative relationships between parents and teachers, coaches, and administrators.
  • Finding a balance between preparing children for adulthood and protecting them from harm. Help them learn that vicarious parenting, the diluted attention they’re paying to their kids, and the lack of participation from kids on everyday chores around the house are hurting kids.
  • The 6 I’s.
  • The critical importance of modeling, especially modeling and enforcing disconnecting from devices.
  • Household tasks and self-care: the emotional importance of teaching your children practical skills so they can take care of themselves.
  • Outcome Fever: changing focus from what children accomplish to who they are.
  • Concrete skills for building stronger connections between parents and children.
  • Specific skills for parents to positively respond when their children test them.
  • How parents’ emotional baggage is exacerbated by devices.
  • Helping your child be in the moment and get out of their own head.
  • Giving children agency so they can develop an internal locus of control.
  • The gift of two lives: how parents’ rediscovery of their own lives can allow their children to discover their lives.
  • How to have difficult conversations with children.
  • The importance of fun.
  • The five signs of mental illness; when to seek professional help.
  • Techniques to respond to a child’s struggles without “rescuing” or enabling.
  • The benefits of failure.

Where we usually like to start:

  • Understanding how Outcome Fever Affects your Family
  • Talking to Your Kids about Elephants and Gremlins – The Art of Active Undistracted Listening
  • Unplugging from Screens as a Family
  • Finding the Time: Understanding and Defeating the Time Famine

Students

Many students were stressed and anxious before COVID, and the pandemic has made things worse, not only for the kids who were already identified with behavioral or mental health issues, but for many other students as well. This stress is pervasive and must be addressed in order for teachers to teach and kids to learn. We would argue in this day and age that teaching people how to manage stress and negative emotions is as necessary as reading, writing, and arithmetic to live a happy and productive life. Is this a traditional educational subject? No. It’s a psychological subject—and, therefore, needs a new model whose underpinnings are fundamentally psychological in order to solve it.

Kids haven’t changed: they still crave connection, communication, and acceptance, and they love to help one another and the people in their lives. This is both the challenge and the key to the solution. The challenge is they not only have to have these critical human experiences, their motivation has to come from within, not just to please their parents. They need to experience the great, visceral joys of connection, of communication, of striving and accomplishment, of working with others on a collective goal, of truly being of service to another. If we can get them to experience and truly feel these real emotions, connected to other people, they will get better. It’s that simple.

At the heart of the student anxiety crisis is disconnection, so it is logical that the pandemic has exacerbated things so much. Thankfully, kids are hard-wired for connection the way they have always been, so providing opportunities to connect can measurably improve student anxiety in and of themselves.

Students will be taught, in age-appropriate ways, specific skills to manage and reduce stress and anxiety. We will also teach them how to manage their emotions and develop an internal locus of control so they can make increasingly good decisions towards clearly delineated academic and personal goals. And they will have a blast!

What we do is based on the four A’s (yes, we like vowels!):

  • Acknowledgment: All people feel better just by being heard. In the case of children,  two additional things have been happening: the world (to which they get exposed through devices) is a really scary place, but the adults in their lives don’t even talk about the scary things, which makes them even more scary. We’re going to talk about them now, in age-appropriate ways. As a result, the students relax by feeling that the grown-ups understand their fears and are doing something about it.
  • Awareness: We teach kids how to be both self-aware (emotional thermometer) and aware of others’ journeys (empathy).
  • Action: A tried-and-true way to feel less anxious about something is to do something about it. We teach that “No one can do everything, but everyone can do something,” and tie it into locus of control: students must learn what they can and can’t change and how taking action, even in a tiny way, can relieve anxiety. This applies both internally—how to help themselves—and externally—say, how to solve a societal problem.
  • Altruism: Nothing takes you out of your own head (which is a crucial skill for students to learn) more than helping others. Employing peer-to-peer programs, community service, or even just encouraging informal altruism in the classroom, is a big part of our program.

It’s not rocket science—just life skills. But these skills can do a lot to reduce anxiety.

Skills covered include:

  • Mental steadiness and focus; learning to proactively shed stress and to enjoy the process.
  • Ability to use adversity to fuel success instead of failure.
  • To study, socialize, grow, play, or perform with lasting, intentional confidence.
  • To manage both the “elephants in the room”—the amalgam of cultural issues that both affect kids directly and cause parents to parent differently: COVID, racial/social justice, opioid epidemic, global warming, political dysfunction, school violence, etc.— and the “gremlins”* in their heads—the negative self-talk we all experience—so positivity prevails. Managing elephants and gremlins are a keystone of the Connected Classroom.
  • Manage stress and anxiety, both individually and as a group.
  • Drive: Find a sense of purpose—what does it look like if they’re successful? What is it going to look like if they don’t achieve their goals?

* From Rick Carson’s book, Taming Your Gremlin—highly recommended.

Sample topics for kids on the problem:

  • The “elephants in the room,” which we also call the Overwhelming Tragedy List.
  • The pressures of school.
  • The 24-hour judgement cycle: students constantly comparing themselves to curated social media personae and feeling inferior.
  • Fear of disappointing parents, teachers, coaches, et al.
  • Outcome Fever.
  • Screen addiction.
  • Bullying.
  • Trauma (either individual or systemic).

Sample topics on solutions:

  • Responding constructively to the “gremlins” in our heads.
  • Treating others with empathy and respect.
  • Knowing when to ask for help and when to let an adult know a peer is in trouble or may be dangerous to others or themselves.
  • Getting past the 24-hour judgement cycle.
  • Results aren’t all that matters—enjoying the journey!
  • Learning the positives of failure and using adversity to fuel success.
  • The critical importance of imagination, being true to ourselves, and finding a sense of purpose, inspiration, and mission.
  • The overarching benefits of authenticity, independence, and connection.

Depending on the age group, the essentials here are:

  • Where does Outcome Fever and the Overwhelming Tragedy List come from, and how does it affect me?  Included here, of course, is a full discussion of COVID and its psychological and emotional effects on students.
  • How do social media and screen time affect me, my focus, my confidence, my resilience, my nascent sense of self? Learning to manage screen time and enjoy being in the moment: recovering the joy of playing!
  • Why the Six I’s—imagination, independence, intestinal fortitude, integrity, intimacy, and identity—matter so much.
  • The effects of trauma and what to do about it.
  • Managing gremlins (negative self-talk)
  • Failure: the only way to learn.
  • Internal locus of control.
  • Connecting with creative urges.
  • Connection with self: learn about how confidence, belonging, and intimacy work.
  • Learning about how self-judgement can destroy confidence and identity.